i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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