So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
