he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
