Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize