After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize