I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
