Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
