From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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