i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
two words: eviction party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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