If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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