Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
