we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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