Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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