Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
