how do flat chested girls get laid?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
