She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
