You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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