this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
