my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
