Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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