Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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