You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
