tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize