I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He is an equal opportunity slut.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
