Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
