Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we made out on top of his cat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
