I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
