It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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