My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
