I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
