I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
