I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
