that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
