if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
