Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize