I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
