How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
