Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my poor anus
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
