His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
