SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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