Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
