So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
