How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
