ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
