The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
