I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
