So drunk its hurt
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
