I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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