i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
