We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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