DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
