Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
