I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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