I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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