who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
