Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
