We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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