The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize