ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
