she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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