used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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