So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize