Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
