remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
