There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
